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We're dedicated to improving relationships at work by removing “business as usual” practices such as blame and gossip. We specialize in improving struggling, dysfunctional teams.

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Face your Communication Fears

Posted in: Articles, Blog by Gina Crowley on November 2, 2009 | No Comments

OUR PERSONAL AND BUSINESS RELATIONSHIPS create opportunities for us to practice acts of courage on a daily basis. What constitutes an act of courage depends on the person involved. What’s frightening to one individual may be “no big deal” for another. For many people, standing up to others, especially to someone with more power is extremely difficult. For a tough and sassy type admitting he or she was wrong may be a personal challenge.
EITHER SITUATION requires the individual to move out of his or her comfort zone and practice new ways of communicating.
Good communication is a skill that requires practice. You may not get it right from the start; the important thing is to keep trying. If things don’t go well the first time, give yourself a “do over” and fix it. I’m not saying you should have the same conversation over and over again. I’m talking about continuing a previous conversation after tempers have receded, or clearing up a misunderstanding once you’ve had time to think about the situation.
My friend Carolyn had one of those courageous moments. She was on the receiving end of an ugly conversation with her co-worker, Bruce. He interrupted her, accused her of dropping the ball, ordered her to fix his problem immediately and then stormed off.
Later that day Carolyn went to his office. Although she was nervous and not sure what to say, she remained calm.
“I didn’t like the way our conversation went earlier today,” she said.
“You were angry, but you didn’t have the whole story.” You would hope that after gathering her courage and confronting Bruce face-to-face, Carolyn’s efforts would merit a worthy reception. Instead, Bruce got fired up all over again. Carolyn stood her ground. “Let’s not get defensive,” she said. “I just wanted to straighten things out between us. I really didn’t appreciate the way you treated me earlier, and I don’t like how you are talking to me right now.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” was Bruce’s response.
When Carolyn told me about the whole ordeal, she was wondering what she did wrong. “Not a thing!” I said. I reminded her that she left her comfort zone, spoke up for herself, and was teaching Bruce how she wanted to be treated, and these were all good things.
In her book, The Joy Diet, Martha Beck says every time you take a new risk and survive it, you gain confidence. As you continue taking chances you will discover the things that used to intimidate you now seem manageable. It doesn’t mean you’re not frightened; if you weren’t, there would be no courage. It means being afraid and doing it anyway.
Even Carolyn’s story has a happy ending. After their conversation, Bruce began treating her with a courtesy and respect he had never shown before. According to Carolyn, “It was worth every awkward moment.”
Having the courage to go through with a difficult conversation doesn’t mean both sides will speak calmly and listen without interruption. It does mean you will grow and evolve. You’ll be different because you tried something different.
So, even if the conversation isn’t pretty, the end result can be beautiful.
~Gina Crowley

Intense conversationOUR PERSONAL AND BUSINESS RELATIONSHIPS create opportunities for us to practice acts of courage on a daily basis. What constitutes an act of courage depends on the person involved. What’s frightening to one individual may be “no big deal” for another. For many people, standing up to others, especially to someone with more power is extremely difficult. For a tough and sassy type admitting he or she was wrong may be a personal challenge.

Read more…

The Blame Game

Posted in: Articles, Blog by Gina Crowley on | No Comments

I’m running late, rushing out the door to pick
up the kids from school, practice, lessons, or
a friend’s house, and it’s all because of HIM
(my husband, boss, son…even the dog’s not
immune). Once again I am playing the blame
game, and I realize I have three choices:
Choice #1: Blame someone else
Most of us learned early in life to blame the
other person. It’s a natural instinct for selfpreservation.
Just listen to young children:
“I didn’t do it.” “It’s not my fault.” “He did
it.” Blaming someone is better than getting
lectured or punished or admitting we’re not
perfect.
So, as I’m speeding down the road to pick
up the kids, I’m feeling very self-righteous
because I’m right, and more importantly
HE is wrong. Unfortunately, it usually isn’t
completely someone else’s fault and I’m still
running late.
Choice #2: Self-Blame – “I’m so stupid”
If I decide to look deeper at the chain of
events, I might see what I did to contribute to
the situation. The challenge here is to accept
responsibility without feeling too bad about
myself. Being overly self-critical isn’t productive
and is damaging to my self-esteem. If I
am busy beating myself up, I’m probably not
looking for a solution to the real problem.
Choice #3: NO BLAME
The best option is to stop worrying about who
is at fault and decide how to prevent the situation
from happening in the future. Get past the
anger. Instead, take a deep breath and adopt
the attitude, “Isn’t that interesting?” Blaming
doesn’t fix anything; it just makes everyone
feel worse. If you can look at the situation objectively,
you may just realize you have options
to help manage your frustrations. And, next
time you can have a different result.
Take a tip from “Murphy” and plan for the
unexpected so that – if what can go wrong,
does go wrong – it doesn’t ruin your day.
Next time, I plan to leave 15 minutes early. And
to be honest, we don’t even have a dog.
~Gina Crowley

Serious looking businessman with copyspaceI’m running late, rushing out the door to pick up the kids from school, practice, lessons, or a friend’s house, and it’s all because of HIM (my husband, boss, son…even the dog’s not immune). Once again I am playing the blame game, and I realize I have three choices:

Choice #1: Blame someone else
Most of us learned early in life to blame the other person. It’s a natural instinct for self-preservation.

Just listen to young children:
“I didn’t do it.” “It’s not my fault.” “He did it.”

Blaming someone is better than getting lectured or punished or admitting we’re not perfect. So, as I’m speeding down the road to pick up the kids, I’m feeling very self-righteous because I’m right, and more importantly HE is wrong. Unfortunately, it usually isn’t completely someone else’s fault and I’m still running late.

Read more…

Adjust your Programming

Posted in: Articles, Blog by Gina Crowley on | No Comments

Athletes have been using a “preprogramming” technique for years. They visualize their best performance, picture themselves winning the race, and imagine how they will feel receiving their award. I’m not convinced that preprogramming is an exact science, but we do tend to get exactly what we expect.
That’s why I would rather believe the best will happen and risk being disappointed, than assume the worst and have the satisfaction of being right.
My favorite example is a business trip I took with my colleague, Dan. We were flying home from Tampa, Florida on a Friday afternoon when a brief thunderstorm closed the airport for 30 minutes. Our flight was delayed and we missed our connection through St. Louis. Our names were added to a waiting list for the next flight out, which happened to be the last flight to Wichita. Although we arrived with plenty of time to make the connection, so did a crowd of other people trying to get on that same plane.
Dan wasn’t optimistic. “Well, I guess we’ll be stuck drinking beers here in St. Louis tonight,” he said.
“No, no, no, Dan,” I argued. “You have to think positive. Imagine the ticket agent saying, ‘Passengers Crowley and Nelson, please come to the ticket counter.’”
He grimaced and shook his head (Dan’s cup was obviously half empty).
In the next few minutes, the ticket agent’s voice did come over the intercom. “Passenger Crowley, please come to the counter,” it said.
As I collected my boarding pass, I smiled sheepishly at my co-worker who was still sitting there getting exactly what he expected. I waved good-bye and headed down the jetway. I was glad he couldn’t see the enormous grin that engulfed my whole face. I couldn’t hold back a big “Woo Hoo!” I’d be home with my family tonight, sleeping in my own bed.
Expect the best – you just might get it!
~Gina Crowley

Beautiful business woman with laptop.Athletes have been using a “preprogramming” technique for years. They visualize their best performance, picture themselves winning the race, and imagine how they will feel receiving their award. I’m not convinced that preprogramming is an exact science, but we do tend to get exactly what we expect.

That’s why I would rather believe the best will happen and risk being disappointed, than assume the worst and have the satisfaction of being right.

Read more…